Hello all, Apologies in advance for the tediousity of this post.
Not gotten much done today, awoke with the worst hangover I’ve had for a long, long time following a ridiculous amount of drink mixing last night to celebrate a good friend’s good fortune.
My head felt like and closely resembled a boiled ham stuffed to the brim with razor wire and despair, countered this with heroic amounts of coffee, which worked but made me shake like a defecating Michael J. Fox.
Cured of Wine Flu and feeling mentally prepared to face the daily round of disillusioning calls to various recruitment agencies, which were all met with numbingly inevitable stock response of:
“well, we’ve nothing in at the minute, but you are on The Available List and we’ll give you a call as soon as anything comes in”
Which is the temp agency equivalent of the taxi rank mantra: “he’s on his way love”
Slightly disheartened but unsurprised, and with all the day’s tasks out of the way, I toddled off for a smoke in the sunshine. Upon closing the door and lighting up a joytube, I realised I’d left my keys in the flat and became suddenly aware that a) I hadn’t yet showered b) was barefoot and c) only had 3 cigarillos left in my packet.
Une catastrophe non?
I was only locked out for an hour and a half, but it made me realise quite how domesticated and coddled I am; it also brought home quite sharply how short my attention span has become. I had barely been outside and away from tellybobs, music and the perennial banalities of the internet for 5 minutes when I felt so overwhelmed by silence and brain inactivity that I had to start twittering and googling and whatnot on my phone, I also realised quite how shit I am in these moments, most people in that situation would have immediately sought out a ladder owning neighbour/called a locksmith/crafted a makeshift rappel gun out of bark and honey bees to ensure they got back in safely; whereas I simply sat down, calm as a Hindu cow and awaited rescue.
Which came, in the form of ‘Captain Passive Aggressive’, our neighbour (name changed to protect Ron’s privacy) coming home and smugly letting me back in.
So there you go, nothing of note really. I may as well have just written the amount of words I typed; as I typed them instead, would have been more interesting.
But I did warn you it was going to be tedious, so you’ve no one to blame but yourself.